who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I won the penis lottery.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
