i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
