The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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