So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
where are my eyebrows?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
