Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She bit a glass in half.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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