Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
