note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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