She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
