Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
