I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
