Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
