I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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