I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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