I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The power of my boobs compel you
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You left your phone here
Wait...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
