I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
