he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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