dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my phone needs a breathalizer
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
