If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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