just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
