What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
