Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish you could order shots online.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
