So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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