i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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