I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
