Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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