well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The convent might be a nice break from real life
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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