I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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