I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
honey bunches of taint.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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