I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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