i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
