im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Pants 0. Shit 1.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
