Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
