4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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