bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
