I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
