I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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