It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
