Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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