I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
