I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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