Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
