She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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