Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
