My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
