so that wasnt chicken after all
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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