Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
