Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
