I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
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Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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