Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
where are my eyebrows?
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