Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
