It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize