My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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