Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
