I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
