I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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