Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize