Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
