Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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